brah idek this was from this morning
Sep. 10th, 2025 03:27 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
grimcygneti'm so bored. i don't do much for fun anymore since i get distracted while doing college, then i end up staying up late doing stuff. maybe today is the day i'll stop doing that, i hope, but who knows. i'm fucking dreading having to do that rhetorical analysis though. i thought i chose and interesting article to do based on the title, but holy shit, it's so boring and i can't change my option. oh and i did a bad thing. my brain just was not working last night and i only ended up doing three out of five of the photo critiques i was supposed to do. i feel guilty about it, but my brain deciding to stop functioning this one time isn't gonna be too terribly bad.
my friends and i are gonna hang out in the woods by my house on friday so i really have to lock in today and tomorrow and then saturday if i really wanna relax on friday and sunday. i really gotta try and have a schedule by next week if i wanna stop having to do stuff on weekends. anyways, i told em to bring any kind of alcohol they want if they wanted to bring some. i'm kinda still thinking about what were gonna do, which is scary, but i guess uno is on the list of potential things to do. or build a little fire and roast marshmallows in the little fire pit at the spot were going to. shit, well now i think i've settled on that idea. oh fuck wait, i don't even know if we have marshmallows. i gotta think of something else we might have or stop by lidl for a bag. but i actually have no fucking clue if they have those or if marshmallows are even a thing here, because we get them from the commissary. maybe we'll get wursts and roast those or some shit. i don't fuckin know. or i'll just be like. "heeey... do you guys reeeally wanna come to my town orrrr do we wanna do something else..." because i feel like these guys would be fine without me. which is like, whatever, to be honest. they'd probably get it if i had to cancel over college stuff, though. fuck, i told myself i wouldn't cancel but here we are.
some of the things i was getting distracted by yesterday were discord and my stupid ass computer not updating. on discord i was just talking to people about music and updating my profile using cool fonts or whatever for some reason. but my stupid ass computer needs some error code to be resolved or some bullshit. it works just fine right now, but my dad has to look at it later. ill sign out of my discord before i give it to him because i'm literally in a server for feedism. honestly, maybe i'll just sign out of discord while i work on shit so i don't wanna go and talk to people.
so, i guess i'm not bored, but maybe i just wanna relax a little while longer. and stop being so anxious about going outside so i can feel relaxed when i'm outside like i'm supposed to. i wish i wasn't nervous when all i do is walk past people, but i guess i have to live like this. i probably have social anxiety, like, actual medical condition anxiety. general anxiety and depression have always been there, lets be honest. i've thought about and have actually done a ton of crazy stuff to tue point where its not new. adhd, depression, anxiety, and mayyybe c-ptsd but i'm not gonna self diagnose myself with that. i thought i had autism for a while and all the medical stuff i read fit me pretty well, but it feels more like severe adhd and a mood disorder or trauma now. like, i didn't feel messed up from the start, i feel like everything that happened to me messed me up slowly.
my friends and i are gonna hang out in the woods by my house on friday so i really have to lock in today and tomorrow and then saturday if i really wanna relax on friday and sunday. i really gotta try and have a schedule by next week if i wanna stop having to do stuff on weekends. anyways, i told em to bring any kind of alcohol they want if they wanted to bring some. i'm kinda still thinking about what were gonna do, which is scary, but i guess uno is on the list of potential things to do. or build a little fire and roast marshmallows in the little fire pit at the spot were going to. shit, well now i think i've settled on that idea. oh fuck wait, i don't even know if we have marshmallows. i gotta think of something else we might have or stop by lidl for a bag. but i actually have no fucking clue if they have those or if marshmallows are even a thing here, because we get them from the commissary. maybe we'll get wursts and roast those or some shit. i don't fuckin know. or i'll just be like. "heeey... do you guys reeeally wanna come to my town orrrr do we wanna do something else..." because i feel like these guys would be fine without me. which is like, whatever, to be honest. they'd probably get it if i had to cancel over college stuff, though. fuck, i told myself i wouldn't cancel but here we are.
some of the things i was getting distracted by yesterday were discord and my stupid ass computer not updating. on discord i was just talking to people about music and updating my profile using cool fonts or whatever for some reason. but my stupid ass computer needs some error code to be resolved or some bullshit. it works just fine right now, but my dad has to look at it later. ill sign out of my discord before i give it to him because i'm literally in a server for feedism. honestly, maybe i'll just sign out of discord while i work on shit so i don't wanna go and talk to people.
so, i guess i'm not bored, but maybe i just wanna relax a little while longer. and stop being so anxious about going outside so i can feel relaxed when i'm outside like i'm supposed to. i wish i wasn't nervous when all i do is walk past people, but i guess i have to live like this. i probably have social anxiety, like, actual medical condition anxiety. general anxiety and depression have always been there, lets be honest. i've thought about and have actually done a ton of crazy stuff to tue point where its not new. adhd, depression, anxiety, and mayyybe c-ptsd but i'm not gonna self diagnose myself with that. i thought i had autism for a while and all the medical stuff i read fit me pretty well, but it feels more like severe adhd and a mood disorder or trauma now. like, i didn't feel messed up from the start, i feel like everything that happened to me messed me up slowly.